Osho,
While I was roaming around near Mumbai, I stopped at
Muktananda’s ashram for a couple of days. Unexpectedly, while I was there he
poured on me much grace and very special attention, even though the first thing
I said was that I am a disciple of Osho. I felt honored by him yet was a bit
uncomfortable. Mainly, I felt guilt towards you. I am back now with you but
very confused. Please help me.
First thing, whatsoever you do, never feel guilty -
whatsoever you do. To go to Muktananda’s ashram is not a sin. It may be your
karma, but it is not a sin! You have not violated any rule, because I don’t
have any rules. How can you violate them? I don’t give you rules, because you
are such neurotic people that out of the rules you will create guilt. Never
associate guilt with me, around me, in association with me. I don’t want you to
make, to create, any guilt, to ever feel guilty. Whatsoever you do, do it
totally.
Now, you have been to Muktananda’s ashram: you should have
been there totally. You must have been thinking about me there, and you must
have been feeling guilty. You have been taught wrong things.
14
To be with me is not a monogamy. It is not a husband-wife
relationship - that the wife cannot look at another man or the husband cannot
look at another woman. I make you absolutely free. How many times do I have to
repeat it? You can go to Muktananda or anywhere - you can even go to hell. And
if you wander around Mumbai too much, suddenly one day you will find yourself
in hell, remember - because a direct route goes from Mumbai to hell!
And this is surprising, how you managed to reach
Muktananda’s ashram by wandering around Mumbai. It is far away from Mumbai. But
it may be the same guilt: you cannot even take the responsibility that “I
went.” You cannot even say that? How poor. You cannot even take your
responsibility that “I went to Muktananda’s ashram.” You say, “While I was
roaming around near Mumbai, I stopped at Muktananda’s ashram - for a couple of
days”! Just look at the absurdity.
Be responsible. If you have been there, you have been there,
and nothing is wrong in it. Muktananda is also God; maybe a mediocre god but
still a god. You are allowed to go to mediocre gods too. And don’t feel guilty,
because you are already punished - Muktananda is a punishment! What more
punishment do you need?
Remember responsibility always. Whatsoever you do, do
consciously; don’t wander. The questioner is trying to say that it was not
conscious, deliberate - “by chance.” But nothing is by chance; everything is
your responsibility. Don’t be accidental. This is one of the ways - how we try
to throw responsibility onto others’ shoulders. Your act is your act. Next
time, please, if you go, there is no need to wander so much. You can go
directly.
And then “a couple of days” - just by wandering. A couple of
minutes may have been okay, but a couple of days means you wanted to be there.
But nothing is wrong in it. What I am insisting on is: accept it, that you
wanted to be there.
And it is good. I know how you feel. You are shopping for a
guru, and it is a supermarket. There are many gurus in the world, and how can
you just decide that this man is the right one? You will have to go here and
there; sometimes to Muktananda, sometimes to Sai Baba, sometimes to somebody
else - nothing wrong in it!
If something of me has penetrated your heart, you will come
back. If not, then it is good that you don’t come back. If something beneficial
happens to you there, then allow it to happen, with all my blessings, because
that is what we are trying to do. If it happens in Muktananda’s ashram, good.
It should happen, that is the point. I do not have any obsession with Pune,
that it should happen in Pune. If your enlightenment happens in Muktananda’s
ashram, very, very good. I will be happy, tremendously happy it happened. Pune
is not the point. This small piece of land.how many people can become
enlightened here? The whole world is yours; become enlightened anywhere you
want, choose any place.
And it is natural for the mind to go here and there. One
wavers a little and then by and by one settles. And it is good that one should
waver a little. So don’t force yourself. If the idea arises, which is natural,
to go and visit some other ashrams and see what is happening there. You may be
just deceived here. Who knows? I may be just a fake, a fraud. So who knows?
Just go and see what is happening there. Maybe something is really happening
there and you are benefited. Good. If not, I am available here; you can come
back. But don’t create any guilt.
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“Unexpectedly, while I was there he poured on me so much
grace and a very special attention, even though the first thing I said was I am
a disciple of Osho.” That’s why! It is so simple and so political; there is
nothing much in it, it is not a mystery. Next time go without wearing orange,
without a mala, shave your head so he cannot recognize you; and then see.
Mulla Nasruddin died. He went to heaven, but of course, as
you are worried about going to some other ashram. He lived a few days in heaven
and then he said to God, “I have never seen hell. And who knows, maybe things
are better there. And rumors have come that they have air-conditioned it and
much dancing and drinking goes on there and all the beautiful people of the
world are there. Here there are only sad saints, holy people, sitting dusty and
dirty under the trees. No song - not even a newspaper! No radio, no TV. And
rumors are that all the politicians are there and all the scientists are there
and they have created a beautiful place.”
God said, “You can go and see and have a visit,” and a
two-days’ visa was given to him.
He went and he was received with great celebration. And it
was really beautiful; he had never even dreamt of such a beautiful place. He
thought, “What nonsense! Even God would enjoy being here. Nobody knows that
hell has changed completely, and we go on believing in old books where heaven
was praised and hell was condemned. Now things are totally different; things
are the other way around!”
For two days he enjoyed it. He gambled and drank and danced,
and all the beautiful women from Cleopatra to Marilyn Monroe - all were there.
And it was tremendously beautiful, and two days just passed like two seconds.
He was very sorry.
He went back and said to God, “I don’t want to be in heaven.
Please give me a permanent visa; I want to go there.”
God said, “But remember, once you have a permanent change of
your address, you will not be allowed to come back.”
He said, “Who wants to come back? Don’t waste time! And I
don’t want to go through the red tape. Give me an order immediately. I want to
go to hell, and I don’t want to stay here a single moment.”
And of course, it was arranged. He reached hell, and
suddenly almost a dozen devils jumped on him and started beating him. He said,
“What are you doing?” And he looked around; that beautiful scene was not there
- and fire and flames. He said, “This looks like the old hell. Have I missed
something? Have I reached the wrong place?”
They said, “No, you are in the right place.”
“But,” he said, “just the other day I was here for two days
and it was so beautiful.”
They laughed and said, “That was not the real hell. It was
just a showpiece for the visitors. Now you have come here as a permanent
resident; now you will know the real thing.”
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Next time, don’t talk about me. If you talk about me,
certainly, it is simple and diplomatic that much grace and love and attention
should be given to you.
And it worked too: “I felt honored by him.” Special
attention - who will not feel honored? Here I never give any special attention
to anybody. Even if you want to see me you will have to wait for days. An
appointment is not so easy, and I don’t pay any special attention to anybody,
because I really mean to work here, I mean business.
Special attention is given to you just to buttress your ego,
and that’s how things go on. The guru buttresses the ego of the disciple and
the disciple buttresses the ego of the guru - a mutual understanding and things
go well and everything runs smoothly. They go on lubricating each other.
Here, there is nothing of that sort. I am very businesslike.
I don’t give any special attention to you, because the very desire to get
special attention is wrong. What are you going to do with the special attention
you get? You will feed your ego. Everybody wants to be specially attended to.
Why? - because everybody wants to be somebody special.
So of course, there is nothing mysterious in it: “I felt
honored by him.” The special attention worked on your ego.
If you want to be here with me, remember, I am not playing
any game of the ego with you. Things are straight, direct. You are here to
dissolve yourself, and I am here to help you die. It is going to be arduous,
but all growth is painful.
But if you want children’s toys, then you can go anywhere
you want to. Maybe you need them right now. Maybe you are still childish,
juvenile, not a mature person. Then you will need something like that.
But never feel guilty. I don’t want you to feel guilty for
anything, whatsoever it is. Unconditionally, I want to say to you that I don’t
want to create guilt in you.
